If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
