Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
