Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize