I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
now i know why i became what i already was.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize