Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
