It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
