I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize