drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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