Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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