I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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