oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
