either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
