So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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