so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
