capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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