Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
