It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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