I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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