I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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