We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
