it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
