I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
