as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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