I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
