My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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