I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
