I am puke
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
