Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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