wanna go halves on a baby?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
