I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
