If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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