omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
