I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
