How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize