Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
