Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
