I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
