i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
