you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
