I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
