Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
