make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
