and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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