you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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