I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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