So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
