Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
