i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
