dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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