Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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