Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
