you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
