I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
