Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
