how can u be prego again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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