I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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