I murdered the dance floor call the cops
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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