I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
