So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
