I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
