you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
