I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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