she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
