woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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