What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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