doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
