I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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