she looked like the bat from fern gully.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
