I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No subtext here. People are naked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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