i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
