I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
