Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize