the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
