you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
