I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
