I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
